Who Killed Chivalry: Ladies (Part 1)

I decided to write this post as a multiple-part series because it’s entirely too difficult to place the “death” of chivalry on one person(s). Instead, I wanted to break down how we are all at fault in some way, hoping that a solution will come from it. Ladies, we’re first. 

I remember this day as if it was yesterday. I was out with a group of platonic male friends and we had just come from a concert and were headed to the after party. One of my male friends was older than I was, but very much “hip”, if that makes sense. As we walked to the car, I noticed that his pace began to speed up. Was this n*gga racing me to the car? Trying to call shotgun? I won’t lie, I low-key began to get upset. The nerve of him, right? As he reached for the passenger door I said, “it’s cool, I was going to sit in the back anyway,” as if to let him know I wasn’t pressed to sit up front. He replied, “No, I was opening the door for you.” Then it hit me, it had been so long since I’ve had a door opened for me that I didn’t even know how to feel, how to reply. I thanked him, but needless to say, even 3 years later I’m still confused.

Last week I watched a video on Facebook about a guy who watched a woman pump her own gas as her boyfriend sat in the car. I know, big deal, right? Well, some believe it is — myself included. I feel that if that woman is your “girl,” it’s the man’s job to pump the gas. At the very least, get out of the car and go pay for it, buy snacks, do something besides watch her for Christ’s sakes. While most in the comments section agreed with me, there were a few women who said “Who cares, I can pump my own gas, I’m an independent woman” or “It’s not that big of a deal” or better yet, “At least she had a man.” And there lies the problem.

You see ladies, we are killing chivalry with this mindset. We are refusing to hold men accountable for the things our grandparents wouldn’t stand for. Sure, pumping gas isn’t a physically daunting task, but even small drops of rain can form a river. If you’re pumping gas and paying with your credit card, while your man sits in the car texting, I can imagine the other small things he’s not doing. He probably doesn’t open your door for you while letting you walk in first, he probably lets you walk on the side of the curb, he probably doesn’t pay for dates and probably doesn’t even offer you his jacket when your cold. Being a gentleman isn’t a bad thing. Why have we stopped demanding that men follow those tiny rules? 

I think a lot of women confuse allowing men to be men, with them not being independent. Allowing a man to be a man will never take away from your ability to do for yourself. But don’t be so “independent” that you become the man and the woman in the relationship, beloved. 

Then there are women who are just happy to have a man that they pretty much put up with any old type of behavior. Sure, he doesn’t really go above and beyond to treat you like the deserving Queen that you are, but at least you aren’t laying in bed alone, right? Wrong. You are alone, maybe not physically, but if a man isn’t respecting you, he’s definitely not “there” for you. There’s nothing wrong with asking a man to be chivalrous. If he finds a problem with opening doors for you or pulling out your chair, chances are he’s not the right man for you anyway. You l

It’s okay to expect respect. You aren’t a bitter bitch for wanting that. Don’t let any man or woman tell you different. 

What happens when we don’t demand the simplest amount of respect from men? We have children, and pass down those bad habits to our sons, thus raising future young men who don’t have manners. It’s not about gender roles, it’s about respect, honor, and courtesy. A man is supposed to hold the door open for a woman to pass first, she is supposed to reply “Thank You.” It’s not a very hard standard to follow, yet it is lost in this new generation and will continue to depreciate if we don’t do something about it. 

So who killed chivalry? Ladies, we need to do better.