Who Killed Chivalry: Men (Part 2)

I know you didn’t think we were going to discuss the dying acts of chivalry and not touch on how men are at fault. I noticed that when I posted the blog about ladies, many men took it upon themselves to determine which women deserved acts of chivalry and which ones didn’t. Fellas, this is part of the problem. 

What is the determining factor in deciding whether one woman deserves respect over another? Respect is something that should not be conditional. The minute you place stipulations on it, you’re not doing it out of kindness, you’re doing it for a reward. No, how a woman chooses to make her money (i.e. being a stripper) does not mean she is not worthy enough to have doors opened for her. Just because the last woman you did something nice for didn’t say “Thank You” doesn’t mean the next one doesn’t deserve respect. That’s the wrong mindset to have. You respect people because you are supposed to, nothing less and nothing more. If you’re only holding doors because you want a thank you and not because your mother taught you some home training, you’re not a chivalrous male, you’re a lap dog that will turn any trick for some treats. If you’re only being nice to a woman because you want to sleep with her or so she can owe you something, that’s not chivalrous either. Men, you’ve got to get out of the mindset that you are owed every time you respect someone. Respect is not gone in vain, someone will take notice. Maybe not now, but eventually. And that same person who was disrespectful will have their karma as well. Leave that up to God to worry about. 

Who are you to say which woman deserves something as simple as her door being held for her? How can the way she’s dressed or where she works determine that? You don’t know her circumstances or what led her to where she is today. You don’t know how a simple act of kindness can cause a butterfly effect, changing her life, and even how she sees men, forever. Holding a door open, letting her have your seat on the train, etc, is not asking you to save her from her reality, it’s just the right thing to do.

Men, don’t think for a second that women don’t take notice. If you’re not doing the simplest things for your woman, and some other man does, you could lose her at any moment. You see, with us women, once you have us mentally and emotionally, you pretty much have us. If you refuse to pump your girlfriend’s gas when you’re with her, pay for a date, push her chair in or hold doors for her, but her male friend does all of those things, he could soon be your replacement. Every woman wants to be treated like a Queen, and these simple gestures mean the world to a woman. If you will choose her as your mate, the woman you lay with every night, the woman you probably put a baby in, why wouldn’t you be doing these things for her? It’s not like they’re daunting tasks that take away from your day.

Lastly men, it’s important that you practice chivalry so that you can raise your children to practice it as well. The act of chivalry is dying because either fathers are not teaching their daughters what they deserve, their sons what they should be doing, or are not in the home at all in the first place. The growing number of fatherless homes is disheartening and it makes it incredible difficult to raise a generation of young men with manners when they don’t have a man in their life to learn those manners from.

Manners, respect, chivalry are all things that men can control. While it’s also very important that women hold men accountable for their actions, men must also hold themselves accountable and stop making excuses for why they choose to not be respectful.