From A Man’s Point Of View: Why “Independence” Is Destroying Our Society

I received a lot of negative feedback from the “I’m Independent “ women, regarding my last blog 5 actions a woman needs to see to trust you to lead her. Crazy thing is my blog was directed at the men that weren’t doing what they should and challenging them to be better men for their women. My intended purpose for writing the blog was overshadowed in the minds of these women all because I was speaking about the man leading.

This is why this Independent mindset is so detrimental to our world. It causes both men and women to attempt to stand alone and refuse help because they feel they “don’t need anybody”. My blog was telling men to have goals, communicate better, take initiative to get things done, keep their word and be consistent. Now what woman couldn’t benefit from her man being better in these 5 areas? But instead of utilizing the blog for help, some women balked at it because it challenged their independence.

Now this blog isn’t solely about women; it’s about the ideology of Independence and how it hinders healthy relationships and individuals from becoming all they can be. If you’re independent, that means you don’t need anyone’s help in any area of your life. It means you can do everything on your own. In fact, being totally independent means you don’t need to be around any other humans; you are totally self sufficient.

Well we all know that there isn’t one person on this Earth that fits that mold. We all need something from somebody every day of our lives. There is no way we could survive being Independent. It’s not even in our genetic design to do so. Humans are a communal species; we need communities to survive.  If our ancestors were Independent and tried to do everything on their own, we would be extinct because the animals would have killed them all.

This Independent mindset is killing our society. Men and women acting as if they don’t need each other to survive are missing out on the help they need to be all they can be. A man CANNOT be his best if he doesn’t have a woman. He can be financially successful but he will be lacking in some area of his life.

God created Adam and after Adam lived a little while, God said “It’s not good for him to be alone” so He created Eve to be his help. This does not mean that Eve was less than Adam; it means that she was everything he wasn’t.

“This does not mean Eve was less than Adam; IT MEANS SHE WAS EVERYTHING HE WASN’T”

Adam had some things in his life that he lacked and his woman filled in those holes. Likewise, Adam was everything that Eve wasn’t. He filled in every hole that she had. So if they fill in each other’s holes and make each other complete, what would happen if they decided to be Independent? Their world would look like our world today.

This is what being Independent says.

I don’t need…

• Somebody to help me when I’m down.
• A companion.
• Someone to have children with, I can fertilize an egg by myself.
• Someone to raise children with. I can be a mother and father and that’s perfect for the children.
• Somebody to encourage me.
• Somebody to help me build my future.
• Somebody to share my accomplishments with.
• Someone to be there for me emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I CAN LIVE ON AN ISLAND ALL BY MYSELF AND BE HAPPY!!!

This is what being Independent really means. I could have added 100 more things but I know you get my point.

So how does this destroy our society?

In 2015 it is more so the women screaming independence and being proud of it. What happens as a result of this? First, no real man wants to be with a woman that feels like she doesn’t need a man. (I don’t even understand why a woman that says she doesn’t need a man wants a man. But I’m not the smartest man in the world.) So once a man engages her, he is instantly turned off and has no desire to be with her. If a woman experiences this often it leads to her being lonely, bitter and talking about how no man is strong enough to handle her.

Truth is, It’s not that a man can’t handle these type of women, they just don’t want to. I mean really, who wants to be with someone that has an “I don’t really need you” attitude. What would wedding vows permeated by this thinking sound like?

“When I first met you, I knew I didn’t need you. I mean, I still don’t need you but you’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with not needing.”

In most cases the “Independent” woman is such a turn off that it never gets to marriage but let’s says the man stuck around just long enough to have sex (Men will deal with anything for the cutty) and gets her pregnant. Now they’re having a baby but since he doesn’t want to deal with her attitude, he splits and leaves her a single mother. Now I take my hat off to every single mother in this world that is doing their best but the truth is, your best isn’t good enough. A woman can only provide the motherly side of parenting; they are incapable of providing the man’s side and children need that man’s side.

What does this leave us with? It leaves us with deprived children. With sons that don’t have a father to teach them how to be a man. With daughters that don’t have a daddy to model a real man for them so they know what they should be looking for in a man. They miss the proper family structure and the benefits of it, all because mom mistook arrogance for her being “Strong.”

(Now I know that this isn’t the only cause of women being single moms. I know men cheating and doing women wrong are also a cause. Keep reading, I’m about to deal with them now.)

Now men don’t ascribe to be independent. The independent male calls himself a bachelor. He doesn’t need a relationship; he just wants to play the field. He normally has security in his money but the truth is his insecurities manifest themselves in him sleeping around. He’s not fine being alone which is why he needs a different woman every night.

He professes that he doesn’t need one consistent woman but is daily looking for the attributes of having one. He wants a woman for sex, to cook, to do his laundry, to tidy up his “bachelor pad” etc. While his mouth says he doesn’t need a woman, his actions scream the opposite.

How does this destroy our society?

As I previously stated, a man needs a woman to complete him. Without a woman there are vital pieces of him that are missing and typically cause his character to be immature because you need something other than yourself to be responsible for in order to fully mature.

This immature man doesn’t hold himself accountable for how he makes others feel so he has no problem stringing women along and breaking her into as many pieces as he can. He has no problem fathering a child and leaving a woman to raise it alone. In fact the reason he doesn’t want to stay and be a family is because he wants to continue being a bachelor, in other words, he wants to continue being independent.

So again, we have fatherless children that are left to find paternal guidance from somewhere and it’s usually in the wrong places, all because dad valued the fun of being a bachelor more than handling the responsibilities of a father.

I have so much more to say on this subject but it would be too much for a blog. I think I’ll write about it in my next book.  But basically the point of all of this is that people need each other. No one is “Independent” we are all “Interdependent” of one another. Whenever you act as if you don’t need anybody, you miss out on getting what you need because the truth is you do need people, especially someone of the opposite sex.

When people say their “Independent” what they really mean is they’re financially independent. You might not need someone for money but you need them for something. Having pride in independence gives you a mindset that turns people off and hinders you from attaining things that could be beneficial to you. When your pride blocks you from understanding the purpose of something that is meant to help you, it is time to re-evaluate why you hold that position so tightly. I’m all for a person being able to take care of themselves, but it comes a time when you will need help. Don’t  be too independent to receive it.