Your Child Is Not A Paycheck!

– blogged by: @uniquely_humble

Men consider it a broke woman’s hustle, and while some may disagree, it may be a meal ticket into the big leagues for some less fortunate women. Let’s be clear, child support was created to do exactly what it states; support the child, not to extort or discriminate against fathers. Therefore in my opinion, that court ordered parent is not required to furnish a luxury lifestyle at the hands of their hard work or lifetime sacrifices because of a child.

You would think that the delivery of a healthy baby would be a priority, but these days that requirement may not even make the list. While some get caught up in the hysteria of being a new mommy or daddy, others quickly forget what responsibilities are on the table. For example, some babies are treated as golden tickets, depending on financial circumstances, or born to save a failing relationship or marriage, leaving some if not all women with the upper hand in this situation. Men become furious because although it’s a woman right to choose, we must divide the responsibility of caring for that child equally. To be honest, a single mother with children will always have more financial options than men.

Believe it or not, some women actually conceive based on their personal needs, while others may have misjudged a situation for something that it’s wasn’t. Yup, you read that correctly the needs of the women and their future are heavily weighed on who they date, marry and conceive with. While some may not agree with me on this, I am a woman and have had the pleasure of surrounding myself with many men and women from all walks of life that have different views on child support and that are currently  in the system.

With child support being a billion dollar industry, how can one not be aware of such benefits in a naive and selfish world.  Some may get confused in all that a noncustodial parent is supposed to do, while others have learned to respect the art of cooperative parenting for what it is. You should make sure you have a good understanding of what your court order means in your specific case. Do not listen to friends or family because every situation is different and you wouldn’t want to burn any bridges that you will have to cross again.

I’m not saying that there aren’t cases where child support works for families that can’t learn to agree with one another, but sometimes misuse of funds can deter the other parent from staying compliant. Unfortunately, it leaves a stigma that the system does not work in the favor of the moms, dads, or the noncustodial parent. When a custodial parent is awarded child support, is s/he obligated to spend it in any particular way? The answer is no. As long as the child is being taken care of, then that parent is doing exactly what s/he is supposed to do. It may not always be fair, but it’s important to learn the legal terms and laws that apply.

We can agree to disagree that some women are okay with the fathers of their children not supporting them or their children as long as he is in a relationship or still sexually active with her. We all have that one friend that’s cool with the guy until he moves on to bigger and better than you begin to hear stories of how he has never spent a dollar, purchased a bag of diapers or contributed to any child care expenses. That’s complete foolishness if you ask me and it’s completely unacceptable. The care of your child should outweigh all other things especially a connection or relationship with a parent that’s not providing for them. Do your kids really matter?

This is not to say that all women are looking for a meal ticket or out to get a man. Child support does benefit the working woman, the scholar, and the ambitious queens who put their children first. We have a lot of educated women that are very responsible who care for the needs of their children without the help of a soul so it’s important to provide them with financial assistance when they require it. They are the real MVP’s. The ones who never receive a simple thank you but continue to move mountains without accolades. Support them gentlemen and they will groom your children to be independent, successful, and responsible. They understand that you too have to live and be able to survive and will not leave you destitute because that is not their intentions.

We are living in different times where men and women can both be considered deadbeats and either should be required to pay child support if they are not the primary parent. However, it is completely inaccurate to say that non-custodial parents, in general, are deadbeats who choose not to pay child support. There are many involved, loving, non-custodial parents out there who pay child support on time every month and there’s some who do not.

Although I do believe that child support is a necessity for a child to develop in a safe and nurturing environment, I also realize that the adults must learn to make rational financial decisions without tearing one another apart. I do not believe that it takes thousands of dollars to achieve this goal, but it is an investment, a lifetime one that you signed up for. I am Pro child support for a few different reasons mainly because I know the harsh reality of being a single mother, but I also understand what it likes for men to be thrown into situations with women who they did not see a future with let alone a child.

It’s true that custodial parents usually get a full plate of responsibilities, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. Be fair ladies and gentlemen and hope that this transition is productive without bitterness or resent so that you all can win. We must have what we need to support our children so that they will be successful in life. Be sure to pour just as many resources into your child’s life as you do your own. Co-parenting works when you make a conscious effort to put the needs of the child first. Child support will never be better than having a father and a check is for financial support, not mental support.