You’re The Girlfriend, I’m The Baby Mama, Know Your Place

The girlfriend of a man with a child is a very awkward role. I decided to write this blog because I don’t think that it should be. I believe everyone should know their position and as long as you do, lines don’t get crossed and toes don’t get stepped on.

Allow me to let you into my life for a second.

I’m a mother, a baby mama if you will. I was with my baby daddy for close to 5 years before I got tired of his sh-t and gave him the boot. It was mainly because he couldn’t stay out of jail long enough to be anything in life. I had goals and he had a record, we could never really be. After we broke up he got with a girl who had 2 kids of her own. She was kind of a welfare broad, section 8, food stamps the whole 9. He stuck around to take care of her kids and when it came to his, not so much. During the time they were together he was still in and out of jail. While he was out, I’d let our son visit until his girlfriend pissed me off one day. My son would always complain about going over to their house because the other kids were bad and every time they did something bad, he’d get in trouble with them. But still, I’d make him go because that’s his dad. One day I sent my son over and he was really sad. I told him that if he wanted to come home to call me and I’d come get him. Come to find while my baby daddy wasn’t my son decided he was ready to go home. He wanted to call me but my ex’s new girl decided she wasn’t going to let him call. Uh Oh, that will NOT work!

This is where the girlfriend stepped out of line. If a child wants to contact his mother under no circumstances do I believe you should step in between that. I don’t believe it is a girlfriend’s job to discipline a child nor their job to do what’s best for a child. You don’t raise them so that’s not your duty. Should she have let my son call me? Absolutely. You’re only going to cause drama but not letting him do so. In my opinion she shouldn’t have been left alone with my son in the first place but that’s a story for a different day. 

And now for another story..

So less than a year passes by and baby daddy has moved on to yet another girl (maybe more than that, I have no clue). This girl seems sweet enough, but she’s really trying hard to make ultra nice with me. I guess maybe she thinks that will put her in his good graces, I’m not sure, really don’t care much. The baby daddy, like clockwork, finds himself in jail again. This time it’s looking like it may be for a long time. He calls me looking for sympathy and asking if I’ll let our son go visit him every now and then. I’ve already expressed to him in the past that I don’t want my son visiting his dad behind bars. That’s not the kind of life I want him to be about. He’s a good kid and should stay that way. Against my better judgement however, he asks if my son can visit and I say okay. Not even 15 minutes later his girlfriend texts me (I’m not sure how she got my number). She says that she will be visiting him the following day and asks if she can take my son along. Now any ol’ body would probably say “sure, why not” but I’m not just anybody. The last thing I want to do is send my child with any girl that I don’t even know. Do I think she’s a nice girl? Sure. Do I know her? Nope! So it’s not happening. She kept pushing for it and pushing for it. I know she means well but her loyalty doesn’t lie with me, it’s with him and I refuse to turn my child over to a stranger. Nor do I want him to witness his dad with a new girl every week because otherwise how will he learn to respect women when his own dad can’t. Most may say I overeacted but I don’t believe so. I told her that my son will go with his grandmother. She proceeds to say “I’ll call her and see when she’s going”

Now, I understand you’re smitten for the goon, I understand the feeling, it was me at one point but don’t get beside yourself and over your head. My child is still MY child and a mother would never turn her kid over to some woman she’s only seen once. I understand she wants to impress him by seeming like she’s a down chick and willing to do whatever for him, but she has to remember that she must also know her place. She can’t try to play step mom role this early in the game. Fact is, if she even lasts until next year she better believe there are other chicks on the side. Trust me, I’ve been there. But one thing she will not do is try to use MY son as some kind of “trust” tool. Not on my watch!