We’ve seen it a million times, a man has ambitions, a dream of becoming something better than he is today. He wants to play ball, become a chart topping rapper, a CEO, and by his side — a strong woman. A woman who helps him jump start his career, gives him a place to sleep when funding his dreams have left his bills unpaid, offers his moral support, deals with the ups and the WAY downs of a dreaming man. Then one day all of his (and her) hard work pays off and he gets his big break. He’s drafted to the major league, he’s signed to a label. Now she has to deal with groupies, infidelity, long work hours, raising kids alone, but she does it with a smile. But what happens next she does not expect, he becomes a “superstar” and what does he do? Drop her like a bad habit. No wonder women prefer an “already successful” man. Is being a Day 1 Chick even worth it?
Think of some of the Day 1’s in recent memory — Tiny (T.I.), Ashley (Big Sean), Alexis (Kanye), Juanita Jordan (Michael Jordan), Siohvaugn Funches (Dwyane Wade), Torrei Hart (Kevin Hart), French Montana’s wife and the list goes on and on. These are women who literally built a superstar from the ground up, only to have him taken away by a woman who’s done none of the hard work. These are women who funded early careers, gave their man a place to sleep, bare & took care of their man’s kids and practically raised him from a boy to a man only for the next woman to reap all of the benefits.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if helping a man become what he aspires to be in life is truly worth it. While you play the role of his wife, his security, his baby sitter and so forth, little do you know that soon he will allow some other woman to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Would it just be better if women stopped aiding men in becoming better men?
As women we love to fix broken men. I’ve written several blogs on this. We see a wounded bird and we want to fix his wing so he can fly. It’s the motherly gene in us. We are nurturers but in this day and age are we nurturers to a fault? We get ridiculed for wanting men who are already established, but why is that? Why not get the man you deserve rather than one you have to create. What if I’d rather buy a ready-made toy off the shelf than go to Build-A-Bear? It’s not like a lot of these men are going to appreciate the sacrifices you made for them anyway. While he’s parading around with his new boo, does he remember the fact that you quit school and a great career to make sure he was straight? Does he remember the opportunities you turned down tobe a stay at home mother?
It’s unfortunate that being a “ride or die” is a thing of the past. Not because there are not women who would do it, but because so many men reach a certain status and forget who used to occupy the passenger seat with them before the pumpkin became a chariot.
Fellas, I’m not saying that you must remain with the woman who was with you when you didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it from. Everyone knows that people eventually grow apart, but remember to RESPECT her. She had enough trust in you, and believed in you enough to wash your stankin’ draws, the least you could do was appreciate her enough to not disrespect her when you move on.