Navigating grief during the holidays can feel like walking into a party where you don’t know the music. You’re surrounded by lights and laughter but deep down you’re carrying a weight. According to a 2023 study by the American Psychological Association, 89% of U.S. adults say they feel stressed during the holiday season, and 41% say their stress is higher than at other times of the year. The Center – A Place of HOPE reports that 64% of people dealing with a loss experience increased holiday stress.
Psychologist Elsa Ronningstam, PhD, notes: “It’s important to understand that triggers for holiday angst come from many sources. Memories, stressful patterns that seem to occur every holiday, or potential new crises are common triggers.”
So what can you do when grief comes knocking during the festive season?
Give yourself permission to feel.
The holidays may not feel “merry and bright,” and that’s okay. Acknowledge the hole the person you’ve lost left and give yourself grace.
Set boundaries.
If a gathering or tradition feels overwhelming, skip it, shorten it, or tweak it to make space for what feels right. The experts at CommonSpirit suggest having a plan A (fully attend), plan B (partially attend) or plan C (skip or replace tradition) so you’re prepared emotionally ahead of time.
Create meaningful rituals
You might light a candle in the person’s memory, make their favorite dish, or volunteer somewhere meaningful. According to family therapist Theodora Blanchfield, “It’s OK if the holidays feel totally fine, and it’s OK if you want to hide under a blanket until January. The hardest part is not knowing which one it’s going to be or when a grief attack is going to hit.” Therefore, create rituals that align with your current feelings.
When it gets heavy, reach out.
Share what’s going on inside with a friend, therapist, or support group. You don’t have to carry the whole season alone. Grief doesn’t cancel your holidays, it changes them. And changing them doesn’t mean failing. It just means you’re surviving, adapting, and still showing up for your own life.
