The Repercussions of Saying “No”: The Male Masculinity Complex

-blogged by @alyse.mone

As little girls, most of us were taught the basic concept of “No Means, No”. Simple, yet it holds so much power. Growing up in this millennial era, I would have never thought I’d see the day where being a female and saying “No” to a male would end in tragedy.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

This blog is not meant to “bash men.” That is not the intent. It is meant to let males know that you are not entitled to us as women. It is to bring light to situations that often get swept under the rug. It is also dedicated to the brave women who stood firm in a simple action of saying “no” and became victims of the dangerous fragility of men.

#TiarahPoyau: A St. John’s University college student who was just having a good time at the J’Ouvert festival in Brooklyn, NY. She rejected a man who started dancing on her during the festival. Her life ended at the age of 22 when she was shot in the face at point-blank range by that same man she said “no” to. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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#NovaHenry: A 24-year-old woman who was murdered by her lawyer and intimate partner after she decided to relieve him as her lawyer and took out a restraining order against him for posing threats towards her. He then took the life of her 10-month-old daughter.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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#MarySpears: A 27-year-old woman from Detroit, MI who was shot to death by a stranger because she didn’t want to give him her phone number. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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Reading these tragedies and countless others, not only did I see a trend, that most of these occurrences happen more frequently to African-American Women, but it made me wonder why these men sought violence as their response rather than just letting these women be? I know that these are special cases but they are happening more and more frequently. There is a disconnect between how a man faces rejection and how a woman does. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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The quote saying “Mothers are harder on their daughters than they are on their sons” took on a new meaning. I believe this to be true especially in the African-American community. And because of that Black Women take on the negative connotations of being angry, attitudinal, and hard. Which instead I believe should be looked upon as survivors, strong, and backbones. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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Statistics show that males carry on pressure of not being able to open up emotionally about certain situations that they encounter in their lives. They will more than likely hold in that information, which causes them to act out in more of a hostile way than a woman would. In a study, men who’d admitted to feeling depressed, less than half of them had told anyone. In comparison to 67% of women who did. The disconnect of the feeling that you are less masculine for acknowledging your feelings can often lead to violence or destructive behavior.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

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I believe that it’s imperative to have these discussions and open up the dialogue to allow instances like the women named above to happen less frequently.