Baller Alert
  • Home
    • News
    • Entertainment
    • The Baller Alert Show
    • Baller Alert Lists
    • Baller Alert Exclusives
    • Let Me Liv
    • Ballerific Music
    • That’s Baller
    • Fashion
    • Metaverse
    • Tech
    • Lifestyle
    • Sports
    • Op-Ed
    • Travel
    • Health
  • EVENTS
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • About
  • Political News
  • en español
No Result
View All Result
  • Home
    • News
    • Entertainment
    • The Baller Alert Show
    • Baller Alert Lists
    • Baller Alert Exclusives
    • Let Me Liv
    • Ballerific Music
    • That’s Baller
    • Fashion
    • Metaverse
    • Tech
    • Lifestyle
    • Sports
    • Op-Ed
    • Travel
    • Health
  • EVENTS
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • About
  • Political News
  • en español
No Result
View All Result
Baller Alert
No Result
View All Result

7 Partners You Don’t Have To Count…

by Baller Alert Staff
April 20, 2021
Reading Time: 3 mins read
0
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

If I was on the witness stand, under oath, and was asked, “How many people have you had sexual intercourse with?” my response would be one or two digits higher than what I commonly tell people. It’s not that in either case I’m lying per se; it’s just that a few of my partners just don’t register on the same scale as the rest and I don’t want to count them. And I’m not alone. In everyday life, there may be a couple partners that the average person would leave out. There is just some sex that doesn’t really, well, count.

IT DOESN’T COUNT IF…

1. …it lasts less than 10 seconds and no one finished.

Remember the Sneakerhead? On our third date, after eight hours of drinks, a movie, and dinner, we hooked up. And then he stuck it in for five seconds. And then he pulled out, saying he needed to be a gentleman. There was no thrusting. And we never went out again. I downright refuse to count this alongside my best—or worst—sexual experiences. Likewise, a friend of mine technically did it with a guy she’s fondly nicknamed “The Two Pump Chump,” but because he came before she had a chance to blink, he remains off her list in response to most inquiries about her number.

In short, if your tampon has seen more action with your va-jay-jay feel free to not count this particular sexual partner.

2. …you can’t remember it.

So here is the deal: I know what my exact number is, but I cannot remember WHO one of my partners is. Like, I know I have slept with X amount of people, just based on the number of times I have kept count, but after all these years (five of which were spent with only one person) of not having counted, I forget who one of them was. I can name, or at least picture, every single sexual partner except one. I have no memory of who, what, where, when, or how. I know that person exists, and the sex was had, but because after trying really hard to remember, I am just subtracting Mr. Mysterious from my total. Now, if I were to wake up in the middle of the night saying, “A-ha!” then that person will be added back onto my list, unless, of course, they were finished in under 10 seconds (see #1).

3. …you didn’t give permission.

Not to get all dark and depressing, but if someone is raped, do they really have to count that person as a sexual partner? I mean, they weren’t a willing participant, so…

Related example, the first person I ever had sex with, um, did it on the sly (long story that you can read here), and though the second time we had sex was with my, you know, permission, I don’t consider that first time as sexual intercourse. I count him among my sexual partners, but not that first time we technically had sex.

4. …you really, really, really regret it.

This one is a little harder to justify. Have you ever regretted having sex with someone SO MUCH you would do just about anything to have the mental image of their ginormous balls and sweaty gruntingness eradicated from your memory? Some ladies (and maybe fellas) have been known to scratch those dudes off their lists. Wouldn’t hold up in a court of law, but whatevs, I won’t be mad at you.

5. …you’re less than 51% sure that penetration actually occurred.

This is similar to #2, only alcohol is the culprit, not a crappy memory. if the details are that foggy, lay off the drink, get yourself a pregnancy test/Plan B, and see the gyno to make sure you’re disease free. Then, when you’re in the clear, you can decide if this potential sex partner makes your list.

6. …he has a bad case of whiskey dick.

I know many a lady who doesn’t really count that guy she tried to have sex with over the course of an evening, but he couldn’t keep it up long enough for her to moan his name once. This is harder to not count, however, if his Johnson does sober up and repairs its reputation. A guy friend of mine performed so poorly with a partner many moons ago, he hesitates to count her, mostly, probably, out of shame.

7. …it happened in Vegas.

Just kidding, this totally counts. Sorry dudes.

Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry

Share this:

  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to share on Mastodon (Opens in new window) Mastodon
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window) WhatsApp
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest

Like this:

Like Loading...

Discover more from Baller Alert

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Related Posts

#image_title
News

FDA Labels Organic Blueberry Recall Deadly Due to Listeria Risk

July 8, 2025

Earlier this summer, Alma Pak International, LLC. voluntarily pulled 400 boxes, about 12,000 pounds, of organic blueberries due to potential Listeria...

Trump Moves to Rewrite Black History at Smithsonian, Targets African American Museum and DEI in New Order
News

Trump Hits 14 Countries With Major Tariff Threats—South Korea, Japan, and More Could Face Up to 40%

July 8, 2025

Donald Trump is putting global trade partners on high alert, announcing a wave of new tariffs set to kick in...

#image_title
News

“16 & Pregnant” Star Whitney Purvis Arrested After Fatal Drug Overdose — Just Weeks After Son’s Death

July 8, 2025

Whitney Purvis, known from MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” in 2009, is facing serious legal trouble in Georgia. The 33-year-old was...

Cynthia Olivera
News

He Voted for Trump’s Deportation Plans—Now ICE Took His Wife [Video]

July 8, 2025

A California man who once backed Donald Trump’s hardline immigration policies is now speaking out after watching those same policies...

Next Post

No So Fresh Before Lovin?

Baller News

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

* indicates required

Follow Us

Subscribe to Blog

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

© Copyright 2024, Baller Alert Inc. All Rights Reserved

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
    • News
    • Entertainment
    • The Baller Alert Show
    • Baller Alert Lists
    • Baller Alert Exclusives
    • Let Me Liv
    • Ballerific Music
    • That’s Baller
    • Fashion
    • Metaverse
    • Tech
    • Lifestyle
    • Sports
    • Op-Ed
    • Travel
    • Health
  • EVENTS
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • About
  • Political News
  • en español
%d