Is He on the Down Low? How to Spot the Signs

Social media has a way of exposing things we might not always notice in real life. One of those things is the down lowman. For those unfamiliar, a down low man is someone who presents himself as straight, dates women, and may even be in a committed relationship, but secretly engages in romantic or sexual relationships with men.

These men exist in every industry, every community, and every social circle. The issue is not their sexuality. The issue is deception. No woman deserves to be used as a cover for a man who is afraid to live in his truth. It is unfair, emotionally damaging, and in some cases, even dangerous.

So how do you know if the man you are dating is on the down low? Here are some signs to look out for.

Social Media Behavior Can Reveal the Truth

Social networking sites make it easier than ever to observe people without them realizing they are being watched. Some men slip up in their interactions, while others make it obvious that something is off.

One of the biggest red flags is when supposedly straight men engage with other men online the way women do. If a man is constantly replying to, complimenting, or overly engaging with another man’s posts, that could be a sign.

Think about how women flock to attractive men on social media. They comment on everything, engage in unnecessary conversations, and try to get noticed. Now imagine seeing a man do the same thing, but only toward other men.

While social media alone is not enough to confirm anything, it can be an early warning sign.

Unusual Male Friendships and Questionable Behavior

There is nothing wrong with a man having close male friends. But when those friendships start looking more like relationships, it might be time to take a closer look.

• Is he always on the phone with his homeboy but never mentions what they talk about?
• Does he go through unnecessary drama with his male friends, similar to how couples argue and break up?
• Is there always a different best friend or homie in his life every few months?

Another red flag is when a man tries too hard to justify behaviors that are clearly questionable. A straight man should not have to convince you that something is not gay if it obviously is.

• Kissing a male friend on the cheek, no matter how drunk or high he was, is suspicious.
• Sending suggestive selfies or shirtless pics to another man is questionable.
• Constantly having his arm around another man in pictures or engaging in overly affectionate behavior with his male friends should make you pause.

If he has ever asked you, “Would it be gay if…” or repeatedly questions what is considered too close between men, there is a good chance he is trying to gauge your reaction before revealing something deeper.

His Phone and Internet Activity May Hold Clues

A person’s phone never lies. If you have ever caught him texting a man and lying about who it was, that is a major red flag. If his browser history includes visits to websites catering to men, there is little room for doubt.

Many women who have found themselves in relationships with down low men say they had a feeling something was off. If your intuition tells you something is not right, trust it.

Why Do Some Men Stay on the Down Low?

The unfortunate reality is that society, especially within certain communities, makes it difficult for men to come out as gay or bisexual. Many fear judgment, rejection, or losing their social standing. Some have families, religious pressures, or careers that they feel would be at risk if they were honest about their sexuality.

But no matter the reason, using a woman as a cover is not the answer. No woman deserves to be lied to or put in a situation where her emotional and physical well-being is at risk.

The Bottom Line

A down-low man is not just living a lie for himself. He is dragging an innocent woman into his deception. While every situation is different, learning the warning signs and trusting your instincts can help protect you from being blindsided.

At the end of the day, everyone deserves to live their truth. But that truth should not come at the expense of someone else’s trust, heart, or safety.