Lawrence Vickers Is The True Definition Of Fire Crotch

Here’s a little story to bring a little sunshine to your weekend. Last Wednesday Dallas Cowboys fullback, Lawrence Vickers, was in for a rude awakening when a family of fire ants mistook his testicles for an ant pile during practice. What makes maters worse, Vickers recently discovered he is allergic to fire ants. Yikes!

“I was trying not to squeeze myself in front of women out there,” Vickers said. “I wanted to pull my pants down and run inside, but I couldn’t do that. When those ants get close to those testicles, there ain’t no laughing about that.”

Luckily the fire ants didn’t require the use of an Epipen, which he had to use for a previous fire ant incident. A shower and a little Benedryl and Vickers was back on the field.