Showering together is officially on trial after a post on Threads begged whoever keeps calling it romantic to please stop. The replies made one thing clear: plenty of people have been quietly suffering in that shower for years.
Movies and TV sold showering together as a scene out of a love song. Soft lighting, steam everywhere, two people laughing like the water pressure is perfect. Real life looks a little different.
Somebody is always cold. There is one showerhead, so one person gets a hot, relaxing rinse while the other stands in the back shivering, waiting their turn like they’re in line at the DMV.
Then comes the temperature debate. One person likes the water set to boil a lobster, and the other prefers mild spring rain. Somebody is going to lose, and it’s usually whoever didn’t pay the water bill.
Add in the elbow bumps, the shampoo in the eyes, the standoff over who gets to stand under the water while lathering, and the partner whose hair routine runs 45 minutes. For a lot of people, showering together feels less like romance and more like a group project nobody signed up for.
Plenty of couples swear by it, though. They say it’s intimate, it saves time in the morning, and it’s one of the few moments in a busy day when it’s just the two of them with no phones. Some have it down to a science, rotation system and all.
Made to order and shipped to your door.
Showering together isn’t the only relationship goal some people wish would retire.
Cooking together looks adorable on social media. In reality, it’s two chefs, one kitchen and zero agreement on how much seasoning is too much. One person is cleaning as they go while the other is using every pot in the house to make toast.
Sharing a bed every single night works for the cuddlers. Everyone else is dealing with a blanket hog, a snorer, or someone who sleeps like they’re running from something in their dreams.
Matching outfits are cute for a holiday photo. Showing up to brunch in the exact same tracksuit is another story.
Sharing phone passcodes gets pitched as a trust builder, but some people say a little privacy never hurt anybody.
Grocery shopping together turns a quick run for milk into a tour of every aisle and a cart full of snacks nobody needs.
Working out together sounds motivating until one person wants to push through the last set and the other is ready to grab tacos.
Then there are the couples who do absolutely everything together. Some love being attached at the hip. Others need a little alone time to stay sane, and that’s okay too.
So which team are you on: shower together or separate showers? And which couple activity do people swear is romantic that you just can’t get with?
Being in love is not an all-or-nothing arrangement for everything in life. Spontaneity has a place in every relationship.
Sometimes I love to shower with my partner; other times, I plan to empty all 50 gallons of hot water while I solve US politics and world economics in my head. When one of us says we are going to take a quick shower to wash the day off, stepping into the shower with them a few minutes later feels so damn romantic.
You step in to pamper them because they told you their day was somewhat stressful. Wash their back and massage the suds into their muscles. It is not something you plan; it is a message that you heard them and want to treat them. Who knows, it could be you getting the back massage, or whatever the next time.
It does not matter if you rent; buy a shower head with a wide enough spray pattern to keep you both wet and warm. Some have a fixed shower ring with a handheld sprayer that connects in the middle. Trust me, those are the best.
You cannot let your partner dry themselves. Take their towel and gently dry them. If that leads to romance, nobody will get cold. The post-romance showers are the most fun.
Each person in a relationship needs “me” time. You do not need to hang out with your partner’s friends every time they plan a get-together. The same goes for nights with your old crew. Yes, being a couple makes you a single unit, but you are still individuals who need time to catch up with old friends. Nothing says you love each other like being able to show them you trust them and value them as a person.
As for the cover hog, get creative with single or full blankets on king or queen beds. The bedspread will hide that detail if friends drop by during the day. If they see it, so what? Maybe they need the same solution on their bed. Side note: My dogs share a king-sized quilt over the other covers. In the mornings, that quilt folds in half at the foot of the bed. Warning: Do NOT take their quilt for your feet at night. That rule does not apply to your pillow. At least one of them will lay their head beside yours sometime in the night. Open your eyes before you kiss your mate good morning. Of course, if you do not mind, the dog will not leave a hashtag with “me too” spelled out in kibble.