Five Tips To Remember When Entering A New Relationship After Being In A Toxic One

At the end of the day, everyone wants love and happiness. And to get there it takes time, patience and most importantly the right person. When you’ve been in more than one relationship throughout the course of your life, you learn what you will and will not accept, which makes it a lot easier to maneuver in this new-age of dating. But if you still haven’t quite figured out what it is you’re searching for, here are five universal tips to make sure you don’t waste too much time on your “love journey.” Whether you’re single or not.

If you’re in a relationship, it’s important to make time for yourselves. Sweat them without “sweating them,” you know? Hit them up when you’re thinking of them but don’t call or text every hour or when you’re bored to chit chat. That’s called being considerate of your partners time as well as yours. Your primary focus should always be on yourself first anyway, so if you notice you’re spending more time calling, texting or thinking about them than you do on your work, school or personal endeavors, take a second to reevaluate your priorities and put your significant other back in their respective position. It’s not that they aren’t important, but you can’t lose yourself trying to find someone for yourself. The right one will already know that and fully understand.

Don’t give unrealistic expectations in the beginning that you aren’t prepared to make consistent throughout the relationship …because they will EXPECT IT! And when you stop, they WILL notice. Men are mostly notorious for saying and doing all the right things within the first three months or so of a relationship. It’s easy to “act” or “pretend” to be a certain way in order to get a certain outcome. It’s called being manipulative. The expensive dinners, trips, the constant communication, random “I miss you” texts, gifts…all of that is easy when the ulterior motive is p*ssy. But when intentions aren’t clear from the beginning, it’s easy to get blinded by the sweet stuff, and you eventually get sucked into a long term relationship you’re not happy with because the relationship was based on false pretenses. You can’t get upset when YOU made your partner accustomed to breakfast in bed, and they get mad at you when you stop. Don’t buy her flowers every day in the beginning and get annoyed when she asks six months later why you don’t buy her flowers anymore. Simply put, be yourself before, during and after a relationship. Be yourself period!

Don’t announce your relationship to social media, your coworkers, not even your family and friends until it’s a relationship you can attest will have longevity. Nobody wants to be the one bragging about their new boo one day and then screaming “N*ggas ain’t sh*t” the following week. And we’ve all seen on social media, the cute selfies couples post chronicling their relationship and then without intent, you notice all the pics of them and their boo are gone. “Damn, I guess they broke up!” is what we all think. Nobody should ever have that much insight or intel on your relationship than you and the one you’re with. Your “gameroom” should only be for those playing the game! Keep everyone else out of it.

Also know that, when you told them what you didn’t like or asked them to stop doing something, they heard you the first time. There should be no reason why you have to continually ask or beg for basic respect from your partner. Whether you two agree on the issue or not, when your partner asks something of you (within moral reason, of course), do it. If the request is something you don’t agree with, that’s where communication comes in. Agree to disagree and come up with a solution you both can deal with. But do not allow someone to make you a broken record because repeating yourself over and over and over gets old fast, and one day you’ll get tired of hearing yourself. And that’s when you settle; Because you see, they won’t honor your request. The flip side to that though, you can also get so tired of repeating yourself that you just leave. That’s when you realize you’re worth exactly what you requested!

The biggest thing (and probably most important) is to understand and accept that NOBODY IS PERFECT. Physically, mentally, spiritually, etc…perfection doesn’t exist. You can be with the man or woman of your dreams and guaranteed after a few months, their imperfections will show. And once they reveal themselves, YOU can determine what you’re willing to accept or not. Weigh the pros and cons. But this is absolutely not the time to take opinions from others. Outsiders don’t know every detail of your relationship, they only know what you tell them, and unless you’ve let someone else in on EVERY single aspect of your relationship, nobody else will fully understand your partner like you do. Know that their is a difference between asking for advice and asking for an opinion.